dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
