for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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