what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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