He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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