I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
