In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
