I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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