Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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