saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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