My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
