Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
