o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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