: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
