jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
