god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
try to milk me bitch
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