So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
