I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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