are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
