Jerry, you need to find god
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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