i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
