she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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