not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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