Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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