M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
