dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
