1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
