hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
