Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I touched a dick in church today
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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