Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
