Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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