tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
