paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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