Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
