If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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