so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
