To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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