See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
