Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
