worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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