shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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