Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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