the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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