Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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