she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
