if you like me you must not know who I am
Someone shit on the floor
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
