Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
