You're my little dorito
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
