just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
