So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
