I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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