so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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