You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
