Midget sex pt 2 tonight
420 ftw
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
